Do you think you take care of everyone but you?
There might have been times in your life when you wanted to say “no” to someone but it seemed impossible for those words to come out of your mouth. For example, when your boss expected you to do somethings that you didn't want to do, or a friend had some unrealistic expectations imposed on you, the words just don’t seem to come out and you find yourself doing the exact opposite of what you wanted. Then find yourself thinking,
“Why am I doing this to myself?”
“Why can’t I just do what I want?”
If the above statement rings true to you, then you must be exhausted, unfulfilled, overwhelmed and anxious. You must be nice to everyone and make time for everyone. It must be difficult to say no and set boundaries, the thought of it could be paralyzing. Don't worry you don't have to be dominated by this guilt that makes every decision for you. You can focus on your needs and take care of yourself without being dominated by guilt.
Our society encourages these traits. I have had first hand experience of the guilt that comes from prioritizing "me". One of the primary elements of the culture I come from is people pleasing. A person who overlooks their needs is more approved of than one who doesn't. However, at some point in life we have to reevaluate and start focusing on ourselves and our needs as oppose to someone else's. In order to seek happiness from within we might have to move away from external approval and validation and provide that to ourselves.
What does Help look like?
Guilt that arises from thinking of setting a boundary or expressing our thoughts could be so intense that not giving in to the guilt might result in anxiety. The thought of saying ‘no’ to someone can make you freeze, which is a stress response and is triggered when we perceive a situation as a threat or danger. In order to avoid that uncomfortable feeling, we are more inclined toward avoiding our needs and choosing other people’s needs over ours.
The first step in our work together is to identify your attachment patterns and how did you learn that it was ok to overlook your needs. We work towards gaining awareness of the inner resistance that might be stopping you from following your instincts. We identify your inner conflicts. We use this new awareness, insight, connection with your body and mindful presence of these emotions to heal unresolved wounds from the past that might be getting in your way of forming a deep connection with yourself. We work toward setting boundaries, prioritizing self, learning to express emotions and needs, learning to not allow the feeling of guilt to make decisions for us and leave us feeling worse. We also work toward altering your self talk to a compassionate one. Our work together consists of identifying, acknowledging and working toward repairing whatever that is that makes you repeat these patterns, and also forming a positive relationship with yourself.