Do you feel like you cannot speak your mind?
Since our childhood we are asked to be nice to everyone. What does being nice mean to you? Does it mean that you cannot express your needs and have to always do things that make others happy? For a lot of people being nice might mean never being their own priority, always having other people’s needs, wants, desires, dreams ahead of theirs. For some being nice could also mean never expressing your opinion, never saying “no”.
Being nice doesn't mean overlooking your needs. We can be nice to people by setting boundaries, taking care of ourselves, expressing our needs, following our instincts and prioritizing ourselves. I have always heard people say “treat others the way you want to be treated”. Does treating others well guarantee that you will get the same treatment in return? I don’t know the answer to that. However, in my experience by internalizing this thought process we end up taking responsibility for other people’s bad behavior and blame ourselves by saying “what did I do wrong that made you behave this way toward me?”
People pleasers tend to blame themselves about everything. They are nice to everyone but themselves. People pleasers have a need to make others the priority and take care of others, if we overlook that need it creates a conflict within us resulting in a form of emotional discomfort.
Here are a few characteristics that show in a people pleaser
Experiencing a lot of self doubt
Blaming self a lot, apologizing for things you might have not done.
Worrying a lot about what other people might think about you.
Accepting whatever comes your way, having a hard time knowing what is it that you truly want
finding yourself in relationships where you are giving way more than receiving.
Taking on a lot of responsibilities as a result feeling overworked and burnout
Perfectionist expectations of yourself, you are extremely critical of yourself and impose a lot of rules on yourself.
You might have a sense of low self-esteem and low self worth.
What happens if you don't turn your attention to yourself?
When you don't connect to yourself its hard for you to know what do you really want, leave alone express it. This disconnect and neglecting your needs causes anxiety and depression . You might have a good job, education, friends and family but you are still not happy. You might feel a sense of loneliness, feel like you are not good enough, worry about making mistakes. The over accommodating, self neglecting behavior can jeopardize your relationships and jobs.
Please take some time to see how can we help you with setting boundaries and self care.