What is forgiveness?


It’s very important for my 6year old to hear the words “I forgive you” after an apology. It’s almost like forgiveness allows her to move on. 

This got me thinking, who is forgiveness for, is it for me or the person who hurts me?

How is forgiving someone else helping my unresolved feelings?

Does forgiveness mean giving your trust back to the person who broke it?

Does it mean your memory completely erases the hurtful incident?

Digging deep into my own journey helped me realize that, forgiveness is a part of the process of healing. It happens, but only when we are ready for it. There is no rush to getting to forgiveness. Just because you say, I forgive you, doesn’t always mean you do. Before we get to the point of forgiveness, there is anger, blame, conflict, resentment, hurt and many such emotions that need attention and processing. In my opinion forgiveness has nothing to do with the person who causes the pain. It has more to do with taking the focus away from blame, guilt and shame and bring the attention to allowing kindness and compassion to ourselves. It frees us from the resistance in the process of healing. It helps accept some experiences and gives the permission to let go of others. Forgiveness does not mean you allow the person back into your life. It just allows your decisions to come from a place that’s in complete harmony with your inner self and not diluted with emotions like shame, guilt and anger.