How to Deal With Imposter Syndrome

Many high-achieving, caring, and self-aware people secretly live with a voice in their heads which says, “What if they find out that I’m not good enough?”

That’s the voice of imposter syndrome, the inner critic that convinces you your success is undeserved, that you’re one mistake away from being “found out,” and that everyone else seems more competent than you.

Imposter syndrome isn’t just self-doubt. It’s an emotional pattern deeply tied to perfectionism, pleasing others, and fear of failure. And though it often shows up in professional settings, it also affects relationships, parenting, and creative expression.

The good news is that you don’t have to always be guided by this inner critic. You can learn to quiet this voice, reconnect with your worth, and stop feeling like you’re faking it.

What Is Imposter Syndrome?

Imposter syndrome is the persistent belief that you’re not as capable, talented, or deserving as people think you are, despite real evidence of your competence.

You may look confident on the outside but feel anxious on the inside. You might minimize your achievements, attribute success to luck, or fear that at any moment, someone will discover you’re not “actually qualified.”

Example:

• You receive praise at work, but instead of feeling proud, you immediately think, “They’re just being nice.”
• You hesitate to take credit for a project because you believe your contribution wasn’t enough.
• When others look up to you, you secretly think, “If they only knew how much I struggle, they’d see I’m not that good.”

Imposter syndrome creates a painful cycle, you feel the pressure to maintain an unrealistic standard. The more you achieve the more you feel the pressure to maintain that standard.

Why Imposter Syndrome Happens

Imposter feelings don’t appear out of nowhere. They usually stem from early life experiences, low- self esteem and  cultural or systemic messages.

1. Childhood Experiences and Conditional Love

If you grew up in an environment where you felt seen and approved of only when you achieved in terms of grades, behavior, appearance, or responsibility, you likely learned that your worth is tied to performance.

Example:

If your parents praised you only when you excelled, you may now feel anxious any time you fall short. Success doesn’t feel joyful; it feels like temporary relief from failure.

2. Perfectionism and Fear of Mistakes

Perfectionism fuels imposter syndrome. You believe there’s a “right” way to do everything and that any imperfection means you’ve failed.

This mindset creates constant anxiety, you can’t relax because you’re always anticipating the next mistake. 

For example, a child achieving a high score on a test is not celebrated but taken for granted. At the same time they are reprimanded and made to feel shame for a low score.

3.Comparing Yourself to Others

Social media, workplace competition, and cultural pressures make comparison easy and constant. When you compare your life to someone else’s you always come up short.

Example:

You see a colleague confidently presenting in a meeting and think, “They have it all together. I could never do it so well.”

First, everyone’s approach is different. Just because the way your colleague is presenting is successful doesn’t mean your approach will not be. Second, what you don’t see are their insecurities and doubts because everyone’s inner world is invisible.

4. Being “the First” or “the Only”

People who are minorities in their field whether by gender, ethnicity, age, or background often face heightened imposter feelings. You might feel you’re representing an entire group, or that you must overperform to prove you belong.

For example, if you are the first person from your family to go to college or you are the first person in your entire lineage to have a 6 figure income. You are the only person of color in your team.

You might feel like you have to prove that you deserve the opportunities coming your way, you need to be perfect and there is no room for mistakes.

5. Cultural and Family Expectations

In many cultures, humility is valued and self-promotion is discouraged. This can create inner conflict. You may downplay your success to avoid appearing arrogant, which reinforces the feeling that you’re not enough. 

For example, in a lot of cultures around the world the achievements of women are minimized and they are made to feel like they are not good enough and they need to keep striving for more. 

Most women don’t feel proud of themselves for beautifully balancing being moms and professionals. Instead they feel like they are one step away from things falling apart and people finding out that they are not good enough.

How Imposter Syndrome Manifests

Imposter syndrome isn’t just a pattern of negative thinking, it seeps into the way you work, connect with others, and view yourself.
It often shows up as quiet anxiety under the surface of accomplishment, that feeling that no matter how much you do, it’s never truly enough.

Common signs include:

• Overworking and burnout — “If I do more, they’ll finally see I deserve this.”
• Difficulty accepting compliments or positive feedback. Compliments or acknowledgment of your work might make you feel the pressure to maintain the standard.
  
• Fear of taking on new challenges. You don’t experiment, you don’t try different things.
• Avoiding opportunities because failure feels unbearable. You will feel comfortable trying something new only if you know that you will succeed. Failure is not an option.
  
• Chronic people-pleasing and saying yes to everything. You don’t pause to think about whether it is really possible to take something on.
  
• Feeling relief, not joy, after success as  though you’ve narrowly avoided being “found out”. You don’t take a moment to feel proud of yourself. You are just glad that it’s over.
  

Beneath all of it is an inner dialogue filled with self-criticism, fear of being exposed, and quiet self-loathing, even when, on the outside, you seem capable and confident.

Read more about people pleasing. 

How to Deal With Imposter Syndrome

Healing imposter syndrome involves both mindset and nervous-system work. It’s not about “thinking positively,” but rather developing self-trust, self-compassion, and embodied confidence.

2. Reframe Your Definition of Competence

Imposter syndrome thrives on unrealistic standards. You expect yourself to know everything, make no mistakes, and never need help, but that’s not competence, that’s pressure and is very unrealistic.

However, you don’t have that same expectation from your friends, family and co-workers. You are kinder towards them and don’t expect them to know everything and never make mistakes. 

Apply that same standard to yourself: competence is the ability to be curious, make mistakes and learn from those mistakes. A competent person is someone who learns and grows by challenging themselves. 

3. Track Your Wins (Even the Small Ones)

Every experience, positive or negative, forms a new set of neural pathways in our brain. The neural pathway that stays active and awake is the one we remind ourselves of all the time. 

For example, If you remind yourself of how that one time you missed the deadline and your boss was upset with you then that neural pathway will stay active and fear and self doubt will follow.

Instead if you remind yourself of the several other times when not only did you meet a deadline but also delivered exceptionally. Then that neural pathway will stay active and confidence and trust in yourself will follow.

Write down moments where you handled something well, learned a skill, or received positive feedback. Review it when imposter feelings arise.

Example:

If you think, “I’m not good at my job,” open your list and read the evidence: “I handled that difficult client calmly. My supervisor praised my presentation. My colleague asked for my advice.”

4. Stop Over-Functioning

When we have imposter syndrome we believe that we have to study more and know more compared to our peers. Otherwise we are not good enough. When we over-prepare, over-give, or over-extend, we reinforce the belief that if we don’t do all that we will lose our worth.

When you notice an anxious voice telling you that you have to attend the meeting even though you don’t need to. Just pause for a few seconds, take a deep breath and ask that voice what is it worried about will happen if you don’t attend the meeting.

Instead of following the fear, get curious about it. Check in to see what the quieter voice has to say. The one that you stopped listening to long back.

Doing as much as feels right can actually help you build trust in yourself. It proves you don’t need to overwork to be worthy.

5. Practice Self-Compassion Instead of Perfection

Self compassion is a warmth within yourself that you feel towards yourself. You understand the reality of your situation and don’t reprimand yourself for needing help and don’t push yourself overboard to not feel incompetent. 

For example, when things don’t go as you envisioned. Take a moment with yourself and acknowledge the hard work you put in, let yourself know that this is not failure, but just an experience. 

Although the critic in us plays the role of a motivator it comes from a place of fear and makes us feel fragile whereas self-compassion allows confidence to grow.

6. Talk About It

Don’t keep these feelings a secret. The more you hide these thoughts the stronger its hold gets over you. 

Imposter feelings lose power when they’re shared. Confide in trusted friends, mentors, or colleagues. Hearing others’ experiences helps normalize yours and break the isolation that imposter syndrome thrives on.

Most will relate with what you are feeling and help you see what you are probably not able to in that moment.

7. Reconnect With Your Authentic Self

Imposter syndrome disconnects you from yourself. The imposter part wants you to be a certain way and behave a certain way because it wants you to be seen in a certain light by people. It feels like the real you is not enough so you have to be someone that’s accepted by everyone.

Showing yourself compassion is one of the ways in which you can connect with the part of you that is so scared of not being enough. Hold space for her and tell her what she might have longed to hear all along. 

Here are a few things you can do to build that trusting and comforting connection with that part of you-

• Journaling about times you felt proud or creative as a child.
• Doing something just for fun, not for achievement.
• Allowing yourself to rest without “earning” it. 

When you reconnect with that part of you with compassion and courage you will feel the worth that you have been looking for all your life without having to prove it to anyone.

8. Work With a Therapist

Consider seeing a therapist for imposter syndrome because it’s usually rooted in childhood emotional neglect. If left unhealed it might get very exhausting to constantly carry this feeling over performing so that you are not caught for not being good enough.

Therapeutic approaches like Internal Family Systems (IFS) and EMDR can help identify and heal the protective parts that drive imposter thoughts. These modalities teach you to hold compassion for your inner critic while strengthening your confident, calm Self.

Learn more about IFS and EMDR

Healing Takes Time

You don’t have to “conquer” imposter syndrome. Healing is about building self-trust, rewiring old beliefs, and learning that you don’t need to perform to belong.

You can be both humble and confident, both learning and competent.

When you start seeing yourself through a compassionate lens, you’ll realize you were never an imposter, just someone who learned to survive by striving.

 FAQ: Dealing With Imposter Syndrome

What are the main signs of imposter syndrome?

Constant self-doubt, fear of failure, minimizing achievements, overworking, and not being able to take credit for their hard work and attributing success to luck.

Can high achievers experience imposter syndrome?

Yes,  it’s most common among high-achieving individuals who set unrealistic standards for themselves and struggle to internalize success.

How can I stop feeling like a fraud at work?

Acknowledge imposter thoughts without believing them, track your accomplishments, and seek feedback from trusted mentors. Therapy can also help rewire self-beliefs.

Is imposter syndrome linked to childhood experiences?

Often, yes. Many people who felt loved only for achievements develop patterns of perfectionism and fear of failure in adulthood.

Can therapy help with imposter syndrome?

Absolutely. EMDR and IFS therapy help release the underlying shame and fear stored in the body and strengthen authentic confidence.